IN OTHER NEWS. . .

Protesters at the Copenhagen summit were beaten and arrested this week. Authorities say the protesters were threatening to take over the global warming conference and actually accomplish something. Spokesmen for the demonstrators, however, maintain they only wanted to come in out of the snow and get warm.

Inside the conference, former Vice President Al Gore dismissed concerns over the hacked e-mails between scientists at the University of East Anglia, claiming they were taken out of context. The Oscar-Winning former VP said the "declining figures" the scientists were really trying to hide were not in global temperatures, but in the returns on their investments with Bernie Madoff.

In his address to the conference, Gore also stated that the polar ice caps were melting so quickly that in five years' time, the Arctic Ocean would contain less ice than the average movie-theater Coke. When reminded that this would mean it's currently warmer at the North Pole than it is in Copenhagen, Gore said: "Oh, you people think you're so clever, don't you?"


IN OTHER NEWS. . .

Reports have emerged from Vietnam of man who exhumed his wife a year after she died and brought her home to his bed. Authorities say it's not yet clear whether 55-year old Le Van was overcome with grief, or simply wanted to appear on a Reality TV show. Le slept with his arms around his dead wife for five years, until he learned the corpse had been having an affair with Tiger Woods. Sources report the family is "bitterly disappointed."

Woods, meanwhile, remains incommunicado. The grounds outside now contain more paparazzi per square inch than any place on earth since Buckingham Palace in the '90s, during the Charles & Diana affair. Woods has canceled appearances at a number of tournaments, and has lost several important sponsors. He has, however, received both moral support and job offers from South Carolina Governor Mark Sandford and former President Bill Clinton.

Happy News Year

IN OTHER NEWS. . .

President George W. Bush Daddy gave today what appears to be his last press conference while still in office. Disgruntled at claims by critics that his only legacy consists in two hopeless wars and a hopeless deficit, an international perception of American conservatives as inarticulate rednecks, none of which have any end in sight, the president told the press that "they won't have George Dubya to kick around anymore." When asked if we hadn't heard that somewhere before, the president said, "Oh, you people think you're so clever, don't you?" Bush Daddy denied that he was in any way "bitterly disappointed" at being replaced by Sen. Barack "Obi-Wan" Obama, saying instead he was proud that America could overcome its history of prejudice to elect its first Jedi president. "Besides," he said, "that makes two times, now, I've kept John McCain out of the White House *chuckle*"

Asked about his future plans, the president said he had ordered a PlayStation 3 and a large supply of violent video games sent to his ranch in Crawford, TX., in order to continue his favorite pastime of "killing folks and blowing up stuff."

Plans for the Bush Daddy Library are also in full swing. In preparation for selecting its contents, the president announced he's taking up reading. Bush Daddy stated he'd already bought the complete novels of Stephanie Meyer, plus a dictionary to help him with the big words when Laura's not around. Said Mr. Bush: "As a lifelong baseball fan, I'm proud to see so many young Americans come together over this fine story of a young girl's love for an umpire!" Sources close to the president say they plan to break the news to him as gently as possible, when the time is right.


IN OTHER NEWS. . .

The dark clouds of controversy continue to gather and darken under an ill wind for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (pronounced "Blog-O.J., bitch!"). The Illinois state legislature has called for the governor's impeachment. Charges include:

-Scalping tickets to the senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack "Obi-Wan" Obama

-Attempting to auction off Obama's used cigarette butts on e-Bay

-Using naughty language on a wiretap, in violation of the media's constitutional right to a sound-byte they can air during prime-time.

To make matters worse, In Other News has just learned that 1970s TV icon Erik Estrada is now suing Blagojevich for the return of his hair.

In the end, Blagojvich appointed former Illinois Comptroller Roland Burris to fill Obama's seat, despite threats by Senator Hardly Real not to seat him. As yet, there has been no confirmation of rumors that Obama himself used the Force to influence Real's sudden change of heart. This despite Real's strangely worded statement that: "We don't need to see Senator Burris's identification. These aren't the crooked politicians we're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along."

A similar but smaller controversy is sweeping New York's gossip pages. Rumors about that New York Governor David Pondersome may nominate royal heiress Cat-o'nine Kennedy to the vacancy expected when Hillary Rodent Klingon is confirmed as the next Secretary of Scat. Pondersome denies the rumors. In a recent press conference, the governor stated that given the condition of the state's finances, he's not sending anyone to Washington until he's found a way to pay their bus fare.

Good grief!

Tagged yet again, this time by This is the one where you come up with eight random facts about yourself. Why don't they ever have you come up with eight random lies about yourself? It'd be more revealing, and a lot more fun. So anyway, after pinning a number of facts about myself to the wall and throwing darts at them, here are the results:

1) I am left-handed. In Latin, this makes me sinister. I rather like that.

2) In my high-school days, back when dinosaurs and Ronald Reagan ruled the earth, and no one knew about the Internet except Al Gore, I was in a band called The Deviants. Strange synchronicity, no? Actually, we weren't so much a band as we were a drinking society, cleverly disguised as a band. We had one gig - the after-the-prom party at our high school. We played thirteen songs (six of them written by yours truly), then broke up onstage, which earned us a standing ovation from the audience. It was the highlight of my musical career.

3) I am a regular church-goer, whose best friends tend to be pagans of one variety or another. This offers some proof that opposites can attract, or that I am insane. I'm not sure which. . .or witch.

4) Although most cats hate water, mine regularly goes out in the rain for hours on end. My theory is that somehow, he's managed to see Breakfast At Tiffany's and is waiting for Audrey Hepburn to come along and adopt him. Smart kitty.

5) I'm working on a new theory of the Kennedy assassination: it was suicide. My book on the subject will include photos of the samurai sword the president used and Jackie O's bloodstained geisha kimono, as well as an interview with the man who acted as JFK's second, beheading him from the grassy knoll.

6) I was diagnosed as an ovarian cyst, when my mother became pregnant with me. The OB-GYN wanted to cut me out, but he missed. Recently, however, my own doctor confirmed the original diagnosis. . .Turns out I am a cyst, just a very highly evolved one. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

7) Despite what you may have inferred from some of my so-called artwork, it has been many years since I've ingested large quantities of illegal narcotics. Apart from the standard over-the-counter remedies for life (caffiene, nicotine, alcohol), I now take only two drugs, both by doctor's order. One helps to lower the high blood pressure I get from seeing how much it costs. The other reduces my cholesterol level by leaving me very little money for food.

8) As teenagers, my dearest friend and I used to drive erratically down the backroads late at night, blasting "The Time Warp" on the tape deck of his dad's car. We did this because we were teenagers, and felt it behoved us to do silly things like this in order to look back on it fondly when we were older. Now we are older, of course, looking back fondly on the silly things we did as teenagers, so the plot worked perfectly. As we approach the age of mid-life crisis, I'm thinking we ought to do it again. All we need is a well-programmed iPod, a couple of underage girlfriends, and a large quantity of cheap and truly awful beer. After all, it's just a jump to the left.


Well, there you have it - everything you never wanted to know about Ado but knew better than to ask. No tags, as always. Do it if you want, provided it's legal in your home state or country.

Oh, and P.S.: To any passing dA Admin: Har-de-har, har, har. OMFG, you guys are sooooo funny. Here's a little tip, guys: Why don't you leave the jokes to the professionals, and stick to chasing down trolls, pornographers, bugs, and teenagers who draw on themselves with Magic Markers, pretend the drawings are tatoos, then photograph themselves like that and submit it under Traditional Art. Or go write some more Hot Topics, guaranteed to interest the same segment of the public that sends away for sets of designer jelly-jars.

Wherein Your Friend and Humble Narrator is cruelly forced to blight you with his so-called musical tastes.

Tagged by You know the rules. This is the one where you set your music player on Random and let the song titles answer the questions.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
"Begin the Begin" (R.E.M.)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
"Kid Fears" (Indigo Girls) -"Are you on fire, from the years?"

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Looking for the Next Big Thing" (Warren Zevon)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"I Think I'll Disappear Now" (Crash Test Dummies)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Harry Rag" (The Kinks) -a song about smoking.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Wall of Death" (Richard Thompson) -"Let me take my chances on the Wall of Death!" I rather like that.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Whistling Gypsy" (The Clancy Brothers)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Everybody's Missing the Sun" (The Gourds) -They always have been early risers.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
"Falling in Love Again" (The Beatles)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Meet On The Ledge" (The Fairport Convention) -nothing to do with math, but a bloody great song!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"The Valley of Strathmore" (The Tannahill Weavers) - ". . .if time were a thing Man could buy, all the money that I have in store, I would give for one day by her side. . ."

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Angels Hide" (The Outlaws)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Ballad of Easy Rider" (Sandy Denny) -"All he wanted was just to be free, and that's the way it turned out to be."

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"The Man With the Child in His Eyes" (Kate Bush) -strangely apropos.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Jalousie" (Xavier Cugat)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Oh, My Love" (The Beatles) -Don't know where the DJ's going to get that - it's a bootleg.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Let's Twist Again" (Chubby Checker) -Did I mention I wanted an Irish wake?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Basket Case" (Warren Zevon)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Ca' The Yowes" (The Tannahill Weavers) -not a chance! I'm at least giving my watchers fair warning that this is spam.

1. How am I feeling today?
"If You Could Read My Mind" (Johnny Cash)

2. Where will I get married?
"Genesis Hall" (The Fairport Convention) o_O

3. What is my best friend's theme song?
"Breathe No More" (Evanescence) -this is actually not far from the truth.

4. What is high school like?
"The Envoy" (Warren Zevon) -not altogether inappropriate, since I went to high school during the Reagan era.

5. What is the best thing about me?
"Dulaman" (Clannad) -ok, so the best thing about me is seaweed. Who knew?

6. How is today going to be?
"Crazy Lady Blues" (Sandy Denny) >.> I'll let you know.

7. What is in store for this weekend?
"Poverty Train" (Laura Nyro) -well, I am broke.

8. What song describes my parents?
"Don't Make Promises" (Tim Hardin)

9. How is my life going?
"Turning of the Tide" (Richard Thompson)

10. What song will they play at my funeral?
"Only a Dream Away" (George Harrison) -not the worst way to go out

11. How does the world see me?
"Holding Back" (Dougie MacLean)

12. What do my friends really think of me?
"Running From an Angel" (Hootie & The Blowfish)

13. Do people secretly lust after me?
"Angel" (The Pure Prairie League) I wish!

14. How can I make myself happy?
"Zombie Jamboree" (The Kingston Trio) -dancing with the dead? *shrug* Maybe I need to go watch a Romero movie.

15. What should I do with my life?
"Follow the Drinking Gourd" (The Weavers) >.>

16. Will I ever have children?
"One Tin Soldier" (The Coven)

17. What is some good advice?
"Cocaine Blues" (Rev. Gary Davis) -"drink that good corn whiskey, and let that cocaine be."

18. What do I think my current theme song is?
"Keep Your Distance" (Richard Thompson)

19. What does everyone else think about my current life?
"I'm a Loser" (The Beatles)

20. What type of women/men do you like?
"Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" (Jerry Lee Lewis)

21. Will you get married?
"I Don't Wanna Grow Up" (Tom Waits)

22. What should I do with my love life?
"Happiness Runs" (Donovan)

23. Where will you live?
"Down There By The Train" (Johnny Cash) -guess it beats a van down by the river.

24. What will your dying words be?
"The Ways of Love" (Neil Young)

25. When I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say...
"I'll Keep it with Mine" (Bob Dylan)

26. When my parents are angry I say...
"Tell It Like It Is" (Aaron Neville)


I'm not tagging anybody - Homey don't play dat - but I suspect will probably steal it, 'cause that's how she rolls. Everybody else, feel free to steal for yourselves as well, if you like. I promise to read, if I'm watching you.

Happy Easter to you all!

Yes, I've finally noticed that we can now highlight features in our galleries and put things into folders by category. If I get time, I may refine things a little better, but I think I've made a decent start. All the major series - Witchwood, Candid Flowers, Autumn Bouquets, etc. - are now easily accessible for your dining and dancing pleasure. There's also a folder of my personal faves, so if you've ever wondered which of my own works I'd fave if I watched me (you know that question keeps you up at night), go and have a look. For me, it was a nice stroll down memory lane.

I've also taken the opportunity to give the bum's rush to a couple pages worth of pieces that. . .well, they seemed like good ideas at the time. These range from the simply unspectacular to the downright embarrassing. I haven't deleted them, but I have kicked them the hell out of Features, so if there's something you can't find, try looking in the Browse section.

Well, that's enough of your time wasted, my lovely watchers. Peace out.